I moved across the world for love. Looking back, I wish I'd done 7 things differently.
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Courtesy of Ashlyn Oswalt.
- I moved from the US to New Zealand 10 years ago.
- I'm glad I made the move, but I should have done a few things differently when I first got here.
- Networking, finding my own friend group, and acting like a tourist would have helped me accliamate.
Nearly 10 years ago, I met the man of my dreams and uprooted my life in the United States and headed to New Zealand.
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The move turned out to be a smart one. We've been happily married for nearly 2 years, and I've built a meaningful life for myself nearly 8,000 miles away from my home in Chicago.
Looking back, I would have changed a lot about how I prepped for that move to make my transition more pleasant. If you're planning a faraway move, save yourself some heartache and learn from my mistakes.
Treat your new city like a vacation spot
I didn't research New Zealand at all before I moved. I was afraid that finding something negative would cast doubt on this huge life decision. This was a terrible mistake.
I research extensively when I travel — it helps me get the lay of the land and gets me excited about what I'm about to see. Not doing this for my new home left me feeling disconnected and confused once I arrived.
The author said that she should have spent more time exploring New Zealand when she first moved there.Courtesy of Ashlyn Oswalt.
Give yourself time to settle in
Out of necessity, I jumped headfirst into "normal" life after I moved abroad. My partner and I continued working, bought a car, and moved into an apartment all within the first month of my stepping foot on the South Island.
Weekends were for errands, not exploring my new home. With no real adjustment period, life felt bogged down by normality, and the enchantment of being in a new place vanished rather quickly. I wish I had planned a few weekends away to explore, or at least taken a week off to discover my new home before I jumped into the day-to-day routine.
Network professionally, even if you have a job
I worked remotely for an American company when I moved to New Zealand, so I felt set on the job front. It wasn't until I was looking for a new job a year later that I realized I knew no one in my field and didn't have a clue who the desirable employers were.
This was especially tricky in New Zealand, where I've discovered who you know can be much more important than what you know. I started attending networking functions and reaching out to people on LinkedIn for coffee catch-ups, and that eventually paid off for me.
Find your own friend group
Making friends as an adult is hard, and if you moved with a partner, you shouldn't make the same mistake I did and rely on their friend group. While a built-in friend group can be lovely, it's important to find your own support network and seek out friendships based on common interests, not convenience.
Join a social sports team, sign up for an in-person class, or join Facebook groups for newbies in your area. I had luck befriending workmates (after I started networking) and reaching out to people with similar interests on Instagram. Now I have friends with my partner and my own friends I've met on my own, which gives a nice balance to my social life.
Sign up for an in-person class
When I moved to New Zealand, I had no reason to leave my home. I didn't do this, but if I were starting over again, I would sign up for some sort of class on my own. Cooking, art, and exercise — all would have been great.
Signing up for a weekly, in-person class gives you a reason to get out of the house and meet new people. At the very least, you might learn a new skill.
Do something iconic in your new home
New Zealand's mad about rugby. I knew nothing of the sport, and that had to change fast if I was ever going to fit in.
Dressing up in the local team's colors, attempting to understand the lingo, and cheering in a sea of supporters helped me feel a part of something bigger.
Don't be afraid to honor your homesickness
I masked years of homesickness, struggling even more around holidays when I wasn't able to go home. Crying alone, I'd berate myself for being so sensitive and unable to enjoy the good life I had in front of me.
It took me years to realize it's okay to be homesick, and it doesn't mean you're not happy where you are. When I'm blue, I try to honor what I need. Sometimes that's surrounding myself with friends, a dip in the icy sea, or a quiet night with a book. It always gets better.